It's been a while since I have had a chance to pin down my thoughts and ideas. Summer is upon us and along with the right to wear white pants without getting cited by the fashion police comes the eternal question: What am I doing this summer and who am I doing it with? I had a certain summer ritual for the past few years, first comes a holly visit from my fav hugging saint, a spiritual journey I take with my friend A. We laugh, we sip on chai and get a blessing from Amma wishing for all our dreams to come true. Then comes the 4th of July which for the past few years I have not spent in L.A. First summer of our relationship, we spent it in Hawaii, last year at the Russian River with his whole family. Not having relatives living in the USA, I felt so happy to be among loved ones. This year will be a different story and adventure I yet have to define. We are talking jungle + ocean with friends. Life does go on and one needs to adapt and not miss a day of your life as Oprah would say. I have had plenty of time these past few days to think certain things over and in much needed solitude I came to a few conclusions I feel will help me keep stepping forward. The biggest thing I realized is that my ego is starting to drive my emotions as I kept on pondering last week, the how and why of the situation. When you take the natural sadness out of the equation, all that is left is ego. There is no rational explanation other then things at time don't work out and the more you keep asking yourself why, you start to develop a sense of entitlement about what you feel you deserve and how the other person involved should act or feel. It's misleading and does not get you anywhere. Given hope as Pema Chondron suggest is true freedom.
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