"Like a south bound train, this is a song for leaving. Don’t you know the pain? It’s a part of the healing” are lyrics from “song for leaving” by Brett Dennen. As I am riding on Cal train back to SF, these lyrics seem to be the perfect soundtrack for this moment of my life. Got dropped off at the station by the ex after a tumultuous 24 hours full of revelations. Although unplanned I ended up having dinner and seeing a movie with him. One would think this scenario would lead to some romance rekindling but au contraire, the platonicness of it all is almost shocking. Almost as shocking as spending the night at his place in his bed alone while he slept on the couch. You know its over when that happens! Ghost of the past indeed and visions of the future. Being at his house, seeing his mom, saying hello to neighbors felt like home and great but also set this new reality of where things are at. It’s like coming back to your highschool onto to realize it’s been turned into a parking lot. Although the memories never die, there is a little part of you that feels like it does when the physical location of happiness changes. To watch him run through his daily routine and not see where you fit also sets you straight… Makes me feel like I almost dreamed this whole thing, 3 + years seem to be a lifetime away. Some say men have a switch they turn on and off while women seem to embrace relationships in a way where is become part of their DNA. The good thing is, I am not sad about this reality. There is still a lot of love, support and understanding. There is no passion and the good news is, I love what I do and although not fully relatable, I can pore my passion into my work.
In every situation, always choose to see the glass half full.
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