Another Dinner, Another Step

I had dinner with the ex last night in the cute city of Los Gatos, he picked the restaurant, I picked the bar.  I loved seeing him, being around him even if it's painful to not be close and intimate anymore.  There are things about people you love no matter where your heart is, the way they walk, talk and just about do anything.  I was ok meeting him because not only do I miss him but I also wanted to know how he was feeling.  I never intended to talk about us but somehow eventually it got to that.  At dinner, being told I should not be a fatalist as I was mentioning how I felt I would never love again  (I know super dramatic of me) made me launch into wanting him to understand what it felt like to be broken hearted.  The pain, the breakdowns, the heartaches, the nights spent just crying yourself to sleep. You know, all that stuff we all go through which I had spared him from.  I was not trying to make him feel bad nor guilty, I was really just trying to make a point about how emotionally devastating this is and that his lack of care or communication had made it even worst.  Needless to say the ever so cheery waitress stopped asking "how are you two doing" after I could not stop crying at the table.  Eventually we got out of the restaurant and kept the conversation going outside as the streets were empty by now (close to Midnight).  I had a chance to let him how exactly how I felt and what made me the saddest while he had a chance to ask me if I needed space. We also both declared how much we still loved each other and our desire to remain best friends.  Not quite romantic but very good step forward in communication and friendship.  The timing of this relationship was terrible he added as anything or anyone too permanent at the moment is not what he wants whereas I am looking and wanted him to be my forever guy.  I personally want to keep healing because it sure beats this sadness I feel and I now more then ever realize the permanence of this decision to end the relationship.  I am glad we saw each other and got real.  I know he is done with this relationship as he stated last night but at least we can now be on the same page about being open in communicating and being supportive of each other in the process... What more can you ask for.... I know, diamonds, millions of dollars, real love, the perfect coffee, very good belgian chocolate and Archangel Michael to the rescue