Paging all saints to my rescue!

After a fantastic night at Earth, Wind and Fire @ The Honda Center (yes, I was a royal mess during "After the love is gone") I found myself lighting Arch Angel Michael and Jesus candles praying for everything and anything that could take the pain away and bring me back to a place where I felt good and happy.  Although I do not worship any specific divinity, when you are in pain and all is out of your control including your emotions, looking out to a higher power comes as second nature just to try and create some sense of the situation.  Normally, I have faith that the universe works everything out in ways that blow your mind but these past few days finding that voice within me has proven to be an impossible challenge.  That being said, I have a few things to be proud of...

1. I did not wake up crying.  That happened much later on the way to brunch, at 12:12 pm to be precise while listening to Annie Lenox's version of "Many rivers to cross".  One would argue I should stop listening to depressing songs but so far, it's been therapeutic.  There are however a few tunes I am staying away from... Otherwise known as the "slit your wrist" playlist, these include Johnny Cash's version of NIN's "Hurt" & "In the end"by Linkin Park. 

2. I have not rushed to Haagen Dazs or Ben and Jerry for comfort which in itself is a miracle.  Who needs to add pounds to my depressed ass?

The hardest thing so far:

Not calling him.  We spoke every day, a few times a day about everything and anything.  It hit me today that not only am I loosing my love but also my best friend and that in itself threw me into an emotional chaos, the kind that sends you to a mental institution.  I miss his voice... Oh and yeah, you guessed it, he has not called me since he ended it.

Weakness of the day:

After taking it all down, I put back all the framed photos of us on my shelves and such and once more decorated my fridge with our photo booth pictures.  Although I know it's over, I guess I am not ready to take those memories down just yet.

Best advice of the day:

It came from Jen B. who reminded me to take it a day at a time as I was getting ahead of myself and anticipating the way I would feel in the months and years to come.  

Worst advice of the day whose author although caring shall remain anonymous:

"This is the prelude to the next step in your relationship.  Next year at this time, you will have a ring on your finger". 

To that I say: Yeah right, I wish....

Special thanks to Heather F. for taking me to see EWF, Roberta for soy latte and talk at LA Mills and B for brunch.