As I mentioned in my last post,I have had the worst attitude this week. Resisting everything and choosing to look at all with the worst in mind. As a result, I did not enjoy my week and had very little appreciation for my life.
despite all that, I manage to get a lot done professionally. I did stick to my workouts but ate poorly out of need for comfort, stress and overall discomfort on where I was mentally.
The origin of it all is my lack of self esteem, feeling sorry for myself and focusing on all the things I do not have such as a relationship, etc.
Once you know the source of an issue you can fix it. I was fighting all week to get in a better space but it was not until I let go of it all, stopped caring about who, how and what and remembered whatever will be, will be and lastly that I am exactly where I am suppose to be that I finally got my head out of the dark waters I had been swimming. No matter how bad I was feeling, good things kept coming my way in an ease that made me believe if I shifted my focus on what I had I would manifest amazing stuff!!
All of a sudden the day trip I took became an adventure, the invite to my friend Josh's wedding, a chance to see Florida and share his special day. Ironically enough, all of a sudden I got answers to all the projects I was waiting to hear back on. And even when the ex emailed to tell me about his new Job with his professor and trying to get into Cal fire department, instead of worrying about the girls he will meet and the wonderful things he will get to experience without me, I sent him my best wishes for success.
Listening to Pema Chodron's "When things fall apart" helped a lot. Reminding me that
Impermanence is part of life and that security does not exist. Keeping a flexible mind is key. An open heart a must and compassion for oneself and others crucial. No one knows what the future will bring and while one spends time worrying about it, one forgets to live life...
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