April's fool

Sitting in the middle seat on my flight home from San Francisco was a metaphor for my week.  Neither good nor bad, just in the middle... A blend of mixed feelings as I did not see the ex on a Northern Californian trip, a first for me.  He did suggest a visit then declared his schedule to be too busy which was fine by me considering I did not think it would have time either.  I made it to my office everyday taking the train which gave me a good hour each way to ponder upon things and ended in emotional thoughts most of the days.  I walked up the streets surrounding my hotel to discover I was only a few blocks away from The Huntington Hotel which we had stayed at, Roxanne's cafe where we once had breakfast at The Fairmont Hotel where we celebrated his friends' Hillary & Gur's wedding.  Walking down those streets made me relive the memories and the great times we had.  I ended the walk by sitting on the steps of Grace Cathedral almost as if I was asking the angels depicted on the cathedral's doors to protect and watch over me as I felt incredibly alone at that very moment with nothing more then memories to hang on to.  I attempted to breath in my sadness and breath out healing energy as learned in my buddhist books but all I got was numbness.  Few moments later I got a call from my good friend Jac who knew my ex as well.  Jac gave me great perspective on my situation and reminded me that I did the best I could and to wish the ex genuine luck in finding whatever it is he is looking for as it must be exceptional considering the high standards I held our relationship at.  Jac also told me to keep my head high and to be proud of an amazing three years.  Speaking with Jac gave me the strength to get thru the night.  I finally made it home tonight and even though I am totally drained off all emotions, the good news is, I now have experienced being in the bay area without the ex and next time I am there ( next Saturday that is..) It will be easier.